Borders Zone - 3

#3 Tapping at my Chamber Door





While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door

-The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe

At my store we have a beautiful customer service desk located in the center of the store. There is a large sign that reads "CUSTOMER SERVICES" in bold letters hanging from the ceiling. The desk is staffed all day by booksellers who are specifically assigned to help customers. It's a good system.

I like helping customers (believe it or not Mom). Just today I was assigned to the customer service desk for a couple of hours. I helped a man find a birthday present for his wife, discussed Raymond Chandler with his biggest fan, and spoke to literally hundreds of women (and one man) who are really excited about the Breaking Dawn party on Friday night. Overall it was fun. Like I said, I like helping people find books. Most of the time it is like getting paid to talk about one of my favorite subjects.

However, helping customers is not my primary job description. I am the Inventory Supervisor and the majority of my job occurs off the salesfloor. My desk is in the warehouse at the back of the store. You can usually find me sweating it out in the warehouse trying to keep all of the products we sell moving smoothly in and out of the store.

Near my desk in the warehouse there is a swinging door with a small window. The purpose of the window is to keep employees from crashing into each other as they come and go through the warehouse. This window is especially important since employees headed in or out of the warehouse are usually in a hurry and often carrying or pushing heavy items.

Lately customers have taken to using this window for a totally different (and unintended) purpose. If you are a customer and you are wondering, "Hmmm, I wonder what is behind this 'employees only' door," and you happen to look through the window your immediate view will be me working. Now keep in mind that I said "working." You will see me a)carrying a heavy box b)working on a report on my computer c)carrying books back and forth to various locations in the warehouse d)moving large pallets around with a pallet jack, etc. The one thing I will not be doing is standing idly in front of the door, with a smile on my face, hoping a customer will tap on the window and ask for my help.

And yet that is what customers have been doing lately. Just last night as I was working I heard a tap, tap, tapping on the window in the door. I can assure you that I responded to the tapping with no less dread than Poe's protaganist did the tapping on his window in "The Raven." I looked up to see a woman smiling at me through the window. Did the woman's eyes have a fiendish glint and her smile a sardonic twist? I say yes. For surely it was a conscious decision on her part to pass up the customer service desk and come tapping at my window. I of course helped the woman because I do after all work in retail.

Other employees have also been plagued by this new tapping trend. We cannot cover the window lest we begin to see library cart pile-ups and customers crushed by box-laden dollies reported in the local news. So there is nothing to do but smile until customers no longer feel entitled to disturb employee only areas rather than walk a few feet to the beautiful customer service desk specifically designed to meet their needs.

The Borders Zone - 2

#2 The Air Conditioning Bandit

So my boss L (yes she goes by L, just like Bond's helper Q) is all about customer service. According to her the customer is always right even if they are crazy and yelled at you. I have never seen her lose patience with a customer. That's why she is the boss.

A couple months ago I got a call that a customer wanted to talk to the manager. I immediately groaned because 99 times out of 100 customers want to talk to the manager because they have a complaint. So I headed out to the sales floor where a tall, lanky guy wearing a long sleeve shirt and shorts was waiting for me. He complained that the cafe was too cold. I told him we didn't control the air conditioning but that I would email my manager about the problem.

Several weeks later we had a big problem in the cafe. The temperature control panel for the cafe storage area had been turned to warm and all of the chocolate had melted. We're talking $300-400 loss. A couple of the refrigerators almost overheated as well. Now the temperature panel happens to be located on the sales floor way up high on a pillar right in front of the cafe. We decided to keep an eye out for tall people hanging out near that pillar.

A couple of weeks later one of the cafe girls called me on the radio to let me know that a customer had just reached up and switched the temperature on that same control panel. I headed over to the cafe and lo and behold it was the tall, lanky guy wearing the same long sleeve shirt and shorts. He had apparently decided to take temperature matters into his own hands. He was sitting down in the midst of all of the other cafe customers and I didn't want to make a scene so I very pointedly pulled a stool over from the cafe and switched the panel back to cool. I was working nearby on the magazines so I kept an eye on him for the rest of the night, but he just coolly read some magazines he hadn't paid for while drinking a glass of ice water from the cafe (also not paid for).

Another night before closing we found the temperature switched over to warm and I recalled that the long sleeve/shorts wearing guy had been there that night. The Air Conditioning Bandit had struck again! Now you may be asking yourself, "Lindsay why didn't you just go talk to this guy and tell him to cut it out?" The answer is that my boss L tends not to back us up in customer confrontations so it's best to avoid them.

Yesterday we decided to cover the temperature switch with duct tape so that it would be harder to move. Then tonight the AC Bandit showed up again (and yes he was wearing long sleeves and shorts). He got his free water and magazines and sat down. I prepared myself for some fireworks.

About half an hour later, L and I were in the office when a bookseller radioed in that a customer wanted to speak to the manager. I stuck my head out and saw that it was the AC Bandit. I asked L if she wanted to talk to him and she said, "I hate that guy. He just sits over there and drinks his free water and ruins our chocolate." This was very out of character for L, but as I mentioned in a previous post this is a stressful time for Borders.

I got distracted with some other stuff but later that night I ran into L and asked how things went with the AC Bandit. She recounted the following conversation with some laughs and embarassment:

L - Yes? (She would normally have sweetly said, "How can I help you?")
ACB - Do you control the overhead play?
L - No we don't. You just need to wear a sweater if you're cold.
ACB - I don't think you understood me. I was wondering if you control the music that is playing. We're in California not Texas and I can't stand this country music playing.
L - Oh...I'll change the song.

L told me she had no idea what came over her and that she had never talked that way to a customer before but she just kept thinking about all of that ruined chocolate. I told her the guy is clearly just a whiner and since he never spends any money anyways she shouldn't worry about it. But that AC Bandit better watch out because there is a new sheriff in town and her name is L (it's really Lorinda, but don't tell her I told you).

The Borders Zone - 1

Per Megan's request here is the first installment of "The Borders Zone" featuring crazy retail moments from my life. I think the hard thing about this series will be which crazy experience to choose. There are just so many. So here goes.

#1 Retail Therapy

Bob is in charge of the bargain books at out store. He is retired from the military and works part-time putting out the bargain books and sorting the new books that come into the store. He is a really easy going guy who rarely complains and actually likes working on Bargain which makes him really rare at our store.
A few days ago we were back in the warehouse sorting the new books that had just arrived and the subject came up of how customers can never put things back in the right spot. If you have two piles of books one of our customers would pick up the book and then set it back down on the wrong pile. I think it is an Orange County thing. The people just feel entitled. Normally this isn't a big deal but our payroll has been cut by 20-30% since last year and our staff is stretched really thin right now.
Then Bob shared how he deals with his stress. He said that when he goes to Target he purposefully leaves things in the wrong department. His example was leaving a jug of milk with the patio furniture. We all busted up laughing. I can just imagine Bob walking around Target leaving random items all over the store. He did say that he is thinking about switching from Target to Mervyns since according to Bob, "Mervyns is hell for men." I told him it might not be so satisfying since Mervyns is always messy already. So if you see a guy dropping off a hammer with the shampoo it might just be Bob getting a little retail therapy.

Tales from a Singles Ward - 1

Most of you have passed on from the hallowed halls of the Singles Ward. Amusing things often happen in my ward so I thought I would start this series to keep you all updated on the laughs and trials of being a 28 year old single gal. I can't remember who I was telling about the snoring dog in my ward, so sorry if this is a repeat.

Several months ago I was sitting in sacrament meeting when I suddenly heard loud snoring. My first glance was toward the stand, but amazingly enough everyone in the bishopric was awake. The snoring continued but I couldn't figure out who had fallen asleep and why no one was giving them the elbow to wake them up. This wasn't just quiet, wheezing snoring either. This was deep, soulful snoring that bounced off the carefully aligned acoustics of the chapel.

The snoring continued later that day in Relief Society to my surprise. Surely a noise that loud had to come from a man and not one of the girls in our Relief Society. After looking around the classroom I figured out that it was a dog snoring. A new girl in our ward was training a guide dog and it was the dog that was snoring. Why did she allow her dog to snore through church? It remains a mystery to this day. Meanwhile our ward has grown accustomed to loud snoring through our church meetings.

Today the stake presidency came to our sacrament meeting to put a counselor in our bishopric. The meeting progressed as usual until about half an hour into the talks. Then the snoring started. It was hilarious to see the stake presidency's reactions. Everyone around me was having trouble not giggling. You could just see the confusion on their faces as they looked around the chapel and tried to figure out where the snoring was coming from. One of the counselors is kind of a funny guy and he was clearly having a hard time keeping a straight face. The girl with the dog just sat there like nothing was happening. I just don't get it.

That Disney Wonderful Feeling

I've been meaning to post this one for awhile, but I forgot I had downloaded the picture. This is a shot of me and Jane on Buzz Lightyear. I am clearly spanking Jane as far as points go but let's not hold that against her since she is only five months old. If you are having trouble spotting Jane in the picture she is sitting on my lap and you can just see the top of her little red head. She just sat quietly on my lap throughout the ride, totally entranced by all of the flashing lights and bright colors. Jane is the sweetest little baby around. She is remarkably pleasant.

We actually ended up having a really nice time at Disneyland. It was much less hot and crowded than Mom and I predicted. I have no idea how many times I've been to Disneyland over the years, but I still find out something new everytime I go. This time we discovered that there is a baby changing place, the Plaza Inn has really good dinners in addition to fun character breakfasts, and Jason hates fun. Just kidding Jason, sort of. Brandon and Chelsea came and joined us in the afternoon and we even ended up staying to watch the fireworks. I love going to Disneyland, especially with the family. I like Mom's style - emphasis on good food and shopping with a few rides thrown in. Hopefully I'll be able to sneak a few more trips in before my pass expires.

Freaky Bugs on the Ceiling

Don't you just hate it when you are about to fall asleep and you notice a weird bug on the ceiling? For the last two nights there was a weird spider hanging out above my bookcase and then this afternoon the spider was replaced by this skinny fellow above the dresser. "What happened to the spider?" you might ask. I don't know. But I can tell you one thing, I'm not gonna go looking for him.

Shot Myself in the Foot

Mom likes to use the expression "shooting yourself in the foot" when one of us kids screws up. According to UsingEnglish.com, if you shoot yourself in the foot, you do something that damages your ambition, career, etc.

Since high school I have unfortunately shot myself in the foot many times. It's a wonder that there is anything left to shoot at all and that I am not just hobbling around on crutches these days. Why do I get myself into these situations? It is usually some combination of mental illness, denial, procrastination, and just plain laziness. As the middle child of a large family I usually try not to rock the boat, for my own peace of mind and my family's. But sometimes keeping your problems to yourself just leads to a larger and more distressing problem in the future.

Mom actually took this one surprisingly calmly. Perhaps as an answer to my prayers or perhaps she is just used to my self-target practice and expects me to trip myself up. Probably some combination of the two. Megan and Jason surmised that I was no longer in summer school while they were here and suggested fabricating an even worse scenario. Jason suggested hiding "empties" under my bed for Lusita to find. I guess the idea is that even "academic disqualification" doesn't sound so bad next to "secret alcohol problem."

So please keep me in your prayers as I try to get back into school and pick up the pieces yet again. Look on the bright side, one of these days I'll have to either run out of bullets or toes.