Borders Zone 11

The Regulars

Regulars in the real world are nothing like the regulars you see on tv shows. I bet the owners of Central Perk were ecstatic when the "Friends" finally moved away and stopped hogging the couches all day when they'd only purchased a $4 drink.

Customers always complain that we don't have enough chairs at our store and I totally agree. I have to get special permission just to order some pens and tape so new chairs are definitely not in the budget. The problem is only exacerbated by the "regulars" at my store. We have a group of about 15 people who spend 20-30 hours a week in our store. They don't buy much. They just hang out, hog the chairs, and read our product for free.

1. Possible Serial Killer
This guy looks just like everyone else, just like most serial killers. What gives him away is that he only reads books from the True Crime area. One time I had pulled a book from that section and he came up and complained that he wanted it back because he was "reading" it. I of course gave it to him because he totally scares me. Like most regulars he doesn't seem to get that you are supposed to purchase the books before reading them.

2. Creepy Old Pervert Guy
This guy always wears berets. I made the mistake of being nice to him once and now he seeks me out to hold his erotic fiction books for him while he "powders his nose." He brings the occasional date to the store and pushes the chairs together so they can be close to one another.

3. Sporty Gigolo
This guy uses Borders as his primary pickup spot. He first came to my attention because a female customer tried to stop talking to him and he grabbed her arm to stop her from walking away. He only hits on young Asian girls. He usually comes to the store wearing sweaty athletic clothes like he is on his way home from the gym. This guy is creepy but at least he doesn't use the chairs or read our stuff for free.

4. Asian Gigolo
This guy is somewhat less creepy than sporty gigolo. Except that he woos women using hand puppets from the children's dept. He is also fond of chatting for long periods of time with the cafe girls.

5. The Unemployed Teachers
These two women talk a lot so I've picked up quite a bit of information about them. They are apparently unemployed teachers. They know everything about everything and love to criticize our store in loud voices. Of course that doesn't stop them from coming in every day or letting their kids throw books on the ground while they talk for hours.

6. Mr. Poopman
This guy once came up to me and said, "For the last three days you haven't had any toilet seat liners in the men's restroom." Instead of wondering why the cleaning crew wasn't doing their job, I wondered, "Why is this guy trying to go #2 at our store three days in a row?" A couple of days later someone anonymously emailed customer service to complain about our mens restroom. The emailer used the word poop in capital letters many, many times in his email. I know it was the same guy. Oh yeah, he also wears Hawaiian shirts every day. I know this because I see him at least 5 times a week.

7. Opinionated Van Man
This guy lives out of his van but is always extremely clean and has very white socks. I know about the socks because he often takes his shoes off. He never buys anything but often complains about any changes we make in the store.

There are others but I think you get the idea. I left out the homeless, obviously insane, and the developmentally disabled adults who spend their days at our store.

It kind of makes me not want to have any chairs in our store at all. Maybe if there wasn't anywhere to sit down our regulars would find somewhere else to live.

Health Update

Just so you all know, I'm no longer dying. Except for some dizziness I am feeling much better. I just have one more dosage increase on my new medicine and then I will be done. I don't think I will be switching meds again for a long time.

New Rule

Lindsay's New Rules of Etiquette #1

From now on it is impolite to send invitations to birthday or baby showers to old maids, unless you are a member of their immediate family or a close friend.

I am trying really hard to not let my lack of a family make me bitter or too sad. Is it too much to ask not to receive invitations to showers from people I haven't spoken to in over a decade and who can't even spell my name right? Maybe I'll be less sensitive as I get older, but I could really use a break from the constant reminders that I'm not married.